My god is mightier than yours

Undoubtedly, the best accomplishment that modern democracy has ever achieved was to firmly separate state and religion. Without persecution of religious minorities and most importantly – no preferential treatment for state servants regardless of their beliefs or lack thereof.

It sounds splendid in theory, doesn’t it? Pity it doesn’t work in real life. Let me expound on that:

To begin with, let’s evaluate that greatest democracy in the world as its misguided proponents would insist on calling it (I’m sorry, I wouldn’t, not even if threatened with being tarred and feathered). Hey, look, there’s the trumpet, holding a bible outside a church in Washington, pretending to utmost holiness. Then there’s the bidet. If he wins he’ll be the second catholic president ever, after Kennedy (I’ve no idea which one of them, that family has spawned more politicians than would be considered healthy anywhere else). As if that is a worthy achievement? How many presidential hopefuls (let alone presidents) have there been since that parochial country’s independence over two hundred years ago that did not subscribe to an imaginary deity? Name one, if you can! Ahem: ‘Tell us your creed’ – ‘I’m atheist’ – ‘Next, please.’ And yet – does anyone think that the trumpet actually believed in anything other than his pitiful ego and self-image when he was brought to power by the very people he despises. But then, he despises everyone who’s not as smart, rich, or powerful as he imagines himself to be. Welcome to the US election, 2020 – the clash of the senior dunces.

How about India, then, touted as another major democracy, with that guy that does his best to look like a benevolent Santa Claus but insists on using quite similar rhetoric to the incoherent, moustachioed Austrian corporal that fucked up Europe badly some eighty-ninety years ago. The ‘We hindus are good, the rest of them are bad’ slogan – doesn’t it ring familiar? Of course it does, yet brainwashed millions are swayed by it and willingly cheer at staged rallies.

Then there’s Indonesia. Supposedly a secular and democratic country, with religious freedom enshrined in its constitution. Hah! You can freely subscribe to any of the six religions listed there, but god help you (yes, I know I’m being facetious here) if you choose one that’s not on the list – or even worse – declare yourself an atheist. Because you’re suddenly a criminal, and I’m not joking! Seriously – as a European tourist about to land in Indonesia and filling out the mandatory arrival form, joking about it with your friend – do leave the religion field blank. Anything else and if you’re unlucky you’ll spend hours in a tiny room at the airport explaining yourself to a couple of cretins wanting your holiday money.

Or let’s have a look closer to home, contemplate why Ireland and Malta, formerly staunchly catholic countries but nowadays slowly becoming normal in line with the rest of Europe, but still very much in the grip of this medieval cult, insist on keeping their blasphemy laws intact. And, in case of Malta, have a good laugh at a country that doesn’t even have “abortion” in its original vocabulary because “god objects”. Seriously?

Nowadays there’s also Poland to point a finger at – preferably the middle one. A country that’s been under the thumb of the catholic church for far too long, even throughout its flirtation with Marxism (another failed religion) during the Soviet imperialist occupation. Initially a tool to fight the equally stifling communist dogma, the religion persisted despite its lack of reason and credibility and, with Vatican’s unholy powers, managed to regain control over the mediocre minds of the indoctrinated Polish populace. I usually say that any country deserves the government that it chooses but I know too many Poles to know that it’s not the case. It’s just the piss party (sorry, was that PIS?) rigging the votes and riding the religious wave until it drops under them and leaves them drowning in their own effluence.

Just like in the rest of Eastern Europe, where after the inevitable collapse of a fake and spectacularly failing political system, it dawned on the people that they were suddenly left to their own devices, without a national identity. Without a Big Brother to look up to and expect salvation from, the churches saw the opportunity to rise to power once again and used it both ruthlessly and cunningly.

Don’t make a mistake thinking it’s a passing phase. The big boys running the various religious sideshows and stuffing their coffers have realised that their time has come yet again. Following the slump since the middle ages (yah, all because of science, you dumb gits) they will not let go of this golden and probably last opportunity to amass enough wealth – sorry, I meant followers – to take over the world. They’d probably be more than happy to divide the spoils among all of the teams while sharing a glass and a joke about gullible suckers.

Let me conclude that the only civilised countries I know of that are not kowtowing to religion are the Scandinavian ones. And France. Apart from Sweden, where I grew up, I know France well enough. I used to live and work there, and despite its many shortcomings it is still deadly serious about upholding liberté, égalité, fraternité – and not least secularism. Vive la France!